Strict regulations imposed on genetic researches

The Minister of Health, Fish Armstrong, announced today that there will be strict guidelines regarding genetic research that will ensure that no living organism can be cloned.

This comes after the recent controversy that followed professor Wobble’s  statement that he has unraveled the mysteries of the Universe!  In a cheerful mood the professor claimed that his research team in the University of Andelevitsville is now able to successfully clone a previously living creature by using the DNA strands found in mere fossils.  Before the minister’s announcement the professor was planning to actually clone the feather-bellied hippocampus, a species related to our national little animal.  On hearing the government’s announcement, the professor said “!@#$%^&&&”!

The F.G.P. announced its unconditional support towards the government’s decision and stated that Nikos’ administration has acted with enlightened brilliance of the wise Solomon.

On the other hand, NESP’s President, `Elafos Peron`osporos, stated that this decision stifles creative research and there will be a heavy price to pay in the future if the government doesn’t reverse its decision.

Strictly speaking, this is not a law that prohibits genetic research completely but does forbid cloning (or “clowning” as Nikos referred to it!) per se.  As a matter of fact, Nikos promised government funding for research that has to do with early diagnosis and treatment of diseases or the isolation of harmful genes.

The law intends to curb any attempt to clone a human being or animal or Makis Vrykolax!

 ---------------------------------------

 -----------------------------------------

"Order of Violet" cultists…violated and expelled from Gariston!

Many cultists taken to hospital after brutal attack from Ville BC K-K-K residents!

Cultists belonging to the new Order of Violet cult that made its appearance this summer on our shores have been expelled from the Country by order of the Supreme Court.  These “wackos” as many referred to them propose that our society should voluntarily give up a number of its citizens to be sacrificed to appease their goddess!

In their last meeting a crowd of three hundred people attended and as many were not among the brightest minds of our country as Nathaniel Urg, Great Dragon of the Ku-Klux-Klan said, there is the fear that feeble-minded people will be tricked, deceived and outsmarted by these devious cultists.  Makis Vrykolax however stated: “They are not such bad guys and we should give peace a chance”.  After this statement the opposition parties called on Nikos to pull his leash!

The Church of Gariston expressed outrage that such “Devilish, Fiendish and satanic elements could find fertile ground in Gariston”.

Inspector Clouzeau of the Central Police Department of Gariston, stated with conviction: “I will find these t”r”ouble make”r”s and b”r”ing them to justice”!

The Grand Master of the Order, Pete Silk, had stated two days ago: “I will go around the whole country to preach our truth and enlighten the people.  Our first stop will be with the good people of Ville BC”.  Little did he know what was in store for him!  When they arrived in Ville BC, they found the residents engaged in a Ku-Klux-Klan ceremony!  When they heard Mr. Silk elaborate on his theories, the outraged populace (or “demented, psychotic savages”, as Silk called them) attacked them with such violent rage that it makes this reporters’ blood curl!  The assault was of such fierce intensity that none escaped the wrath of the Villbicians!  The victims were taken to hospital as soon as the Villbicians lifted the road blocks they had placed to block the entrance of the ambulances!

The cult was officially banned last night in a special meeting of the government cabinet.  The members were ordered to evacuate the country within forty-eight hours or suffer the consequences.  “And the consequences shall be dire!” said Nikos.

A TOTAL MESS CAUSED BY A FALSE STEP!

People in Ville BC up in arms against Mister Anderson, the General Director of the Secret Agency of Gariston (SAG) after hearing that Nathan Urg is under investigation for allegedly making indecent gestures when speaking to a crowd in a Ku-Klux-Klan rally from the decrepit balcony of his house.  One spokesman for the mayor, Murg Anepidektos, said: “The charges are totally unfounded!  Mr. Urg simply stepped on a spade with along handle and it went up in the air and hit him in his private parts.  Mr. Urg in agony grasped his genitals moving his body to and fro from the pain.  A malevolent onlooker from Mister Anderson’s agency mistook this for an offensive gesture, probably because he is a native of Trighl where people tend to misjudge everything they see.  We feel confident that this biased, malicious and horrific charge will be dismissed by the judge of the Supreme Court, enabling the people of Ville BC to celebrate the exoneration of our glorious leader and thereby giving us sufficient multivation to SCREW OUR ENEMIES, TO SHOW THEM WHAT DOGGY STYLE MEANS AND TO PROVE ONCE AND FOR ALL THAT WE ARE THE MOST WELL ENDOWED PEOPLE THEY ARE!  See you in Court!  Sissies”!

After this statement, the people of Trighl decided to bring forward a class action suit against the city of Ville BC and his inhabitants!  For the insulting comments made against Lucious Luzz, the agent from Trighl and demand punitive damages a hursh fine that will set an exemple, forty lashes for the spokesman of Ville BC, a thorough tar and feathering of the same individual, the house of the aforementioned individual to be razed to the ground and his final mandatory and permanent exile to a third world country, preferably one in the throes of revolution, and civil war in which the plague has broken out.  Failure to comply with the aforementioned request will result in further legal action and harsher demands”.

Mister Anderson, when hearing of this messy situation, said: “I have complete confidence in the Courts of our country”.